Defining your values as a couple


When it comes to your wedding plans, are you making choices that reflect your personal values? Check out this advice for getting into alignment and defining your values for your wedding plans and beyond.

The way you approach planning your wedding should be similar to the way you approach life, in general. Make your decisions based on your personal values and what matters to you; from the clothing you buy, to the wedding vendors you hire, to the way you choose to invest your money. 

But what if you’ve never defined your personal values? If you’ve never sat down to really sketch out what truly matters to you and guides your life, this article will help you outline the basics.

Defining Your Personal Values as Individuals and as a Couple

If you and your partner haven’t had a deep convo about what you both want out of life, the way you see the world, and the things that matter most to you… why are you getting married?

You might have assumptions that you and your partner are on the same page. That you love each other so much that you can face anything together. But if you’re not aligned on some of the fundamentals, it could spell trouble for the future stability of your relationship.

So how do you define your personal values? Well, first of all, we should define what a value is. Essentially, a value is a principle or standard of behavior or a judgment of what is important in life.

In order to live your life in alignment with your core values, you need to understand and honor what is important to you– ie, your priorities. Clarifying your values gives you access to an inner compass that will point you in the right direction no matter what life throws at you.

Exercises for defining your values

It’s important to know that values aren’t chosen or selected consciously by you. Our values often reveal themselves to us based on how we make all the other decisions in our lives. Look at your habits, how you choose to spend your free time, and the things you make a priority in your life. It is likely that those things align with your values. (If they don’t, it may be time to re-evaluate your choices.)

For more help with this exercise, check out the resources below on defining your values.

How to Apply Your Values to Your Life, Wedding, and Money Decisions

Once you get clear on your personal values and goals, you can apply these principles to every aspect of your life– including your wedding plans! This means being conscious of the decisions that you’re making on a daily basis and if those decisions align with your values. Examples might include where you choose to live, the choices you make in your career, and especially the way in which you spend your time and, of course, your money.

You can ask yourself, how can I live my values…

  • via my work or career?
  • in my relationship/marriage?
  • as a citizen or neighbor?
  • with my friends + family?
  • in my self-care routine?
  • through creativity?
  • in the purchases I make?
  • via the ways I spend my time?
spending your money according to your values

Your Spending Habits

Spending habits are often one of the tell-tale signs of what someone values. Typically, people tend to splurge or invest in the areas of their lives that are most important to them. For some of you that may mean choosing to live in a major city where rent costs are high because you thrive in a progressive and vibrant community. Others’ values might be reflected by opting to spend money on ordering ready-made meals or takeout most nights because you either don’t have time to cook or just prefer not to. For most of us, we tend to spend money in the areas that matter to us. 

If you find yourself thinking about the things you spend the most money on and realizing there is a disconnect… now might be the time to consider alternatives and options that are more in alignment with your values. Obviously there are extenuating circumstances. Some of you may find that the things you spend more money on are somewhat out of your control. You also might spend money on certain things as a result of certain inequalities or systemic failures in our society. These are very unfortunate realities that impact many people. I challenge you to think about small changes you can make to live more in alignment with your authentic soul every day!

Dtocs plates

Your Wedding Planning

Before you get started with wedding planning, you should have a good idea of your values for your celebration. Having a defined list of values will help you make decisions along the way that align with what matters most to you. You can apply your personal values to your wedding planning in the following ways:

  • The products you purchase. From your wedding bands to your wedding dress, choose ethical suppliers and sources for your wedding attire.
  • The vendors you choose to hire. Seek out professionals who are socially conscious, inclusive, and who have sustainable practices in their business. If supporting female or BIPOC-owned businesses is a value for you, seek out those businesses to bring together your wedding day.
  • The food you serve. You could opt for a vegetarian or vegan meal to do your part to reduce emissions from your wedding. You can choose a caterer who gets their produce from a local farm.
  • The gift registry. Perhaps you don’t want a house cluttered full of stuff, and value experiences over things. Consider an experience or honeymoon registry instead of asking for a new breadmaker.
  • The favors you give. Instead of another decorative tchotchke, consider making a donation to an organization you care about in lieu of guest favors.

Is living a sustainable lifestyle important to you? Let your wedding reflect those choices by opting for eco-friendly tableware, even if it’s disposable. Consider products like Dtocs sustainable line of palm-leaf plates, bowls, and serving dishes. These items give you the convenience of disposable items while being earth-friendly. Plus, they look really cool and earthy!

Your Investments

Making conscious investing choices allows you to apply your personal values to your money habits beyond your day-to-day spending. Seek out causes, projects, and products that are meaningful to you. It’s even better to choose projects seeking to make an impact on building the world you want to live in. This concept is known as Impact Investing, and it’s a way to invest your money that can have financial rewards as well as major personal, heart-centered rewards!

You may decide to invest in something for personal reasons rather than financial gain. No matter what or why you decide to invest, be sure to do your due diligence on any nonprofit organization. Check out Charity Navigator, GiveWell, or Effective­ Altruism.

Examples of values-based investment opportunities

Clean Water

IX Water is a provider of cleantech solutions designed to treat and clean industrial wastewater so that freshwater resources can be preserved for families, crops and communities.

IX Water’s tech allows industries including manufacturing, mining, and oil and gas to treat and clean industrial wastewater. Their system allows these industries to recycle up to 60% of their wastewater. Companies that utilize their methods will see drastically reduced costs on storing wastewater. They’ll also eradicate the need to buy millions of gallons of fresh water. Ultimately, this leaves more fresh water for families, crops, and communities.

Mental Health

MentalHappy is a social network designed to help people improve their emotional wellbeing through positive peer support. 

MentalHappy aims to provide a secure place for sharing. They assist people on their healing journey by helping build a positive mindset and alleviate inner turmoil. MentalHappy is also a women-owned business started by a pair of intelligent women. So if empowering women to be leaders is a value or goal for you, this could be a great opportunity to invest in something impactful.

Electric Vehicles

Solectrac manufactures electric tractors to replace diesel vehicles in the agriculture space.

The world is experiencing a transformational change in its approach to generating and using energy. We can no longer ignore the need to utilize clean electric vehicles in all aspects of life. Solectrac has developed a line of electric tractors to help reduce emissions created by farming. They believe that electric tractors will follow the same trajectory as electric cars which are taking over the automobile industry.

Embody your values to give life purpose and meaning

Living according to our values is the best way to give our lives meaning and purpose. If you can identify and embody your values throughout all the decisions you make in your life, you will live a happier and healthier existence. We hope this post inspires you to take the time to talk through your values, dreams, and goals with your partner. Use this special time of engagement to make a shared vision for your future together.

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